E IS FOR EPIPHANY

Me, dealing with a terrible situation
after my hairdresser unexpectedly
turned me into a blonde!
(I just keep on keepin' on!.)
TAKEN: MAY 25th, 2023

Don't get angry, enraged or insulted.

Rise above the bullshit.

Flick your light back on.

Shine it brighter than ever. 

Fall so deeply in love with your own life

that anyone who tried to wrong you

becomes a laughable, 

ridiculous, distant, memory. 

~ Unknown

My epiphany last spring was to finally stop giving others more latitude than they could ever be granted by others on a good day. 

Instead of focusing on the colour I was dealt, I fired my hairdresser. 

...And it felt really good!

NIFTY NINTIES NINTENDO

When I moved to the cottage last week, I brought along items that could keep me occupied without an internet connection. Books I haven’t read, puzzles I haven’t done, recipes I haven’t made, and the Super Nintendo Classic that Jukebox lent me years ago.

Now, I should share that I am in no way a video ‘gamer’. 

The controller may be smaller but the level of frustration is not!
TAKEN: JULY 8th, 2023

Even though the mini knockoff (of the original full-size console we owned in the early 2000’s) is preloaded with twenty-one games, I have only ever played one - Super Mario World. Believe it or not, playing it holds some great memories for me.

You see, when Jukebox (who IS a gamer) first started playing as a tween, this is the one game we always played together. So, with my chores done and my husband on the couch with a bum ankle, I decided to take a step back in time. Using a smart TV that doubles as my second computer screen, I fired up this bad boy.

When the music came on I was immediately taken back to sitting on the floor in front of our old 20” coloured TV on Toronto Street. He and I in our jammies, on Saturday morn, where and when we always had fun.

Back then, when I struggled with the lower levels my son would sense my frustration and step in and help me move forward by completing the level, as he was worked toward beating the entire game; which he did multiple times before the system was sent to pasture.

Like I always say, you can’t stop change only manage it. More than twenty years later, when I struggled to remember how to access the secret worlds (back then I had my son) I discovered a had a new copilot to help me through: Google.

That said, playing this little gizmo sends the same message decades later confirming my efforts are consistent and equal from playing on Saturday mornings all those years ago... 

I STILL and always will suck at playing video games!

Important Notable: 

Though every five deaths Mario tells me my game is over, I am not going to give up. 

It might take me all summer to get through the first level but my glass half full will be very pleased it didn't take me until Thanksgiving. #yagottalaughaboutit

J IS FOR JOURNAL

When I look back at how dark I was when I started this journal, all I can say is “you’ve come a long way baby!”

That said, even when I am not participating in the April A-Z Challenge, I try to set a little time aside to write something every single day. 

Sometimes I vent about things I can’t share with anyone. Sometimes I type until I cry, then generally feel relieved.

The accomplishment comes in the times I actually a finish my initial thought process, and post the crap to this silly electronic journal.

More than ten years later, I still find it empowering at how my looking inward (smashing these little black keys) can still produce something creative and free. 

No matter what, I believe it all comes back to mindset. I swear a solid and clear mindset is the ultimate ignition switch to accomplishing whatever you put your mind to.

That, and a true desire to share mumble, jumbled, gobble-de-gook, with the masses! #yagottalaughaboutit

Puddin' and I zipping around the Orillia Lake in the bowrider.
Coming up to a year without her, and I still ache because I miss her so much.
TAKEN: JULY 6th,  2015

B IS FOR BROMANCE

 The urban dictionary defines the word bromance as the combination of two words, "brother" and "romance". It describes the unique male bonding found between "brothers from another mother". 

Though both Goob and Jukebox do have friendships with ‘brothers from another mother,’ their bond with each other has been equally as strong their entire lives.

That's Goob in blue and Jukebox in stripes.
The four of us enjoying Father's Day golf with the pre-surgery Poppa Bear.
TAKEN: JUNE 20th, 2021

As a matter a fact, I can recall my serving lunch to my three littlun’s at their wee yellow and orange Little Tykes picnic table. The twins were about four and Jukebox about six years of age. 

As they dined on their amazing culinary offering of PB&J, Goob looked at his brother, called him by name and proudly stated ‘...I love you’. As his sentiments were returned by his brother, their sister grabbed both of their plastic plates and threw their lunch to the dogs. 

True story, I swear. I still chuckle to myself whenever I think about it.

They have always shared life experiences. From taking diving lessons together when they were really young to junior golf memberships as teens, then onto mutual high school and work friendships. They have truly spent their formative years as a team, which remain their bond today.

That said, we are not a family that has not been without struggles and we've suffered growing pains like most. As parents of grown children, we’ve always been impressed that if we took issue with any behaviours or attitudes, these two never weighed in against the other.  

I can think of several instances over the years where the best medicine for all of us was some distance rather than unproductive dialogue. As a family, those have been, and always will be the most challenging and trying memories;  but once resolved, our family strength was regained.

As you know, there's no handbook for being the 'best parent on the face of the earth' because we were told last summer by our daughter matter-of-factly that we weren't. Just like other rents we know, we've hurt, been hurt, and ultimately healed. 

Then I look at these two with their Dad. It warms my heart to know that through all of our own short comings as parents, as grown children they know we've done our best with individual circumstances at the time.

Oh, the fact that we started golfing as a crew on Sunday again? 

Just one of the many small added bonuses!

Y IS FOR YESTERDAY

From the April A-Z Blogging archives.
This was originally posted April 29th, 2013

Oh, the double edged sword. 

I’m the first to admit you can never go back; but if you could, what’s the one thing that you would change? 

I realize it’s an unrealistic question but deep down inside, I would be surprised if you said absolutely nothing.

April 29th, 2013 - YESTERDAY
Taken: April 1977

If I was being completely honest with myself, there are a few things in the last thirty plus years I would have done differently. Some apply to my immediate family, some apply to me intimately as a person, and some even apply to my married life.

I have spent my entire life as a driving force for everyone else; fiercely competitive with a core focus on progress and success. 

As a person never wanting to stop moving forward, I can’t believe that in this very moment I am thinking about what could have been.

It’s not because I am feeling especially reflective, it's just the word itself planted the seed. As soon as I chose 'yesterday', my imagination literally ran. 

My childhood, sports, teen years, discipline, marriage, small children, grown children, career. The reaction was swift. 

That said, I am going to go there just the same. 

If I could venture to any given yesterday, what's the one thing I would change? 

It's more of a wish really.

I simply I would have been free to be ME.

O IS FOR OPTIMISTIC

From the April A-Z Blogging archives.

This was originally posted April 17th, 2014

Let’s just get the white elephant out of the room on this one. 

I wanted to choose orgasm, yet I didn’t register for adult content so I moved on. Opinionated was a close second, you all know I am so why bother. Orillia Lake is something I've already beaten to death: next? 

Outgoing, I am. Obese, I am not. Offensive, I try. Considered, once; “once was lost, now I'm found” ...Pffft, I’m blocked.

April 17th, 2014 - OPTIMISTIC

I am overwhelmed at work but who gives a crap? I don’t eat organic so that's pretty silly. 

Oh Henry? Oh My God? How about obedient? Don't answer that. BLOCKED!

The object of my affection? The occasional off colour joke? Well, it's never occasional, which leads me to obnoxious.

One-horse, one-sided, old, only, onward? Nope!

Zero. Zip. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

Officially blocked, I am optimistic one word will come to me by the end of the day. Who says "more isn't necessarily better... sometimes it's just more?" 

Oops. Obviously? That would be me!

COTTAGE RAMP UP!

Only yours truly could be lucky enough to take their first summer vacation since 2012 and be blessed with rain all but the first day thus far. 

The crappy part is that the single sunny Saturday wasn't even taken as a day of rest, instead it was spent repairing and reinstalling the ramp attached to our floating dock system.

Notice the first step onto the ramp is missing?
TAKEN: AUGUST 1st, 2020

I think any repairs or renovations bring out the true personality of you and your life partner, which is probably why smart peeps pay someone to complete their chores to simply avoid the aggravation; automatically slotting us into the “sucker for punishment” construction category.

I’ve joked here numerous times that I married Canada’s Worst Handyman, which is exactly that, me teasing. If I was on the outside looking in, I would see that neither of us are lazy, nor less committed to accomplishing what we set our sites on.  We just approach any project we do in very different fashion. 

I like to have a firm plan from the start and my husband likes to jump in without even understanding if he has the right tools and material to finish.

I hate to be interrupted when I am in a task-oriented mode and he absolutely loves an extra five trips to the hardware store while the work is in process. Drives me bat shit crazy!

 

So, over the years I have learned that when we have a plan, there needs to be at least a three Saturday buffer to ensure we start without having to stop. To some it might read like micromanagement on my part, but I consider it as a solid investment in both efficiency and productivity... and the solemn promise from this cat not to argue whilst the task's being completed.

As you can see from the photo I am sharing, last Saturday has the top step from the deck onto the ramp missing. We never had a step there before, the ramp was always attached higher up. But by dropping the ramp and anchoring it differently, the hope is the ice won’t pummel it into submission again next winter.

Who wants to bet me that I don’t get a step installed this summer unless I do it myself?

Hey, I'm not trying to be a bitch here. 

I just have decades of historical data to prove I know the outcome of said bet hands down!

#yagottaslaughaboutit

SUNDAY STORM DAY

I worked to get my weekend cottage chores done yesterday so that today could be an official day of rest. Well, that idea tanked quicker this morning than Donald Trump touting hydroxychloroquine as a cure for Coronavirus!

Meaning, my ‘no sun Sunday’ has the radio blaring and phone beeping with official tornado warnings, which in turn has me hunkered down inside with Spotify blaring, sipping a spicy Caesar, embracing a shitty Sunday storm day.

When given lemons? Make a Caesar and listen to Spotify!
TAKEN: JULY 19th, 2020

As my Bose speaker begins to play Kacey Musgraves and her song titled Rainbow starts; it seems eerily fitting.

“When it rains it pours,” is how the song begins. My struggle is that it feels like it has been raining for five friggin’ months, only in the non-precipitation sense.

Like most, I have struggled with this atmosphere I will officially label here as The Covid Climate.

I no longer watch the news, refuse to click on anything associated with the orange man, and find myself distancing myself from 90% of all social media. Lately, the only place I find any sense of normalcy is via Instagram. 

Probably because it’s hard to go wrong with pictures of the Muskoka landscape and Georgian Bay sunsets, as well as really cute pups. For the record, touting some serious cucumber envy, I also feel vegetable and flower gardens deserve an honorable shout out; way to go all you gardeners!

Anyway, if you dial your blog memory back, you’ll recall that people told me to stop being an alarmist when the virus first loomed.  Since then, so many have reached out to me via personal message sharing that they felt they too had been so sick. 

More worrisome is that most admitted they never shared being ill, purely because of the judgement of others that tended to follow; seeing as everything happening around us was fake.

I don’t know about you, but I have no idea how I managed to be graced and associated with so many scientists and immunology experts lately. Must be because Facebook University wasn’t an option for me in the mid 1980’s.

Who knew the first half of 2020 would produce such an elite number of scientific scholars?  Certainly not this cat. Well done Mr. Zuckerberg, for officially replacing both ethics and journalism worldwide with a meme.

With my sarcastic rant exhausted,  I know for a fact I am going to survive my 'no sun day' as well as the rest of this pandemic nonsense. 

How? Just ask my buddy Kacey, she knows. She tells me… That there has always be a rainbow hanging over my head!

Which has to be better than an Wile E. Coyote approved ACME anvil, right?

PS: If you haven’t heard the song, here’s a link, (Click here)

PSS: You’re welcome. She's awesome.

A IS FOR APRIL ADJUSTMENT

Well, I'm definitely making an adjustment this April and I will go on the record with the fact that it's not the kind of forceful treatment you get when you land at a Chiropractic office. 

You see, it's that time of year again and I had quietly convinced myself that I wasn’t going to participate in the April A to Z Blogging Challenge again. Yet, when I got home from the cottage this morning and it was actually April 1st, I realized I truly wanted to.

So, even though I missed their master list registration (that closed yesterday) I figured I would once again forge ahead and play by my own rules; which coincidentally work especially well in my favour!

As I have in the past, I am going to post everyday. I will post where expected for the challenge (email  subscribers & Google+ peeps will be updated in real time) but I am only going to post to Facebook & Twitter once a week.  That way, you can easily scroll through the posts weekly, eliminating the feeling that you are being hammered with my challenge posts daily.

It's hard to believe that I was eighteen months into this silly electronic journey before I decided to register and get in the ring with this specific group of writers five years ago. In that moment, I had been seriously motivated by a couple of people (that no longer blog) and decided to challenge myself. 

Here's to my one hundred and thirty first consecutive April posts and my to extremely late decision to jump into this difficult challenge again. Here's hoping my minor 'April Adjustment'  in the sharing  department keeps my readers both interested and engaged this month. ~ Cheers, Rhondi.

Admiration. Ambition. Absenteeism. Adios Amigos. Amazing... Resulted in an April Adjustment!
TAKEN: 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017

Here are the pictures from my last five April 1st posts.
2013: Admiration    (As you can see I hadn’t embraced how my camera truly fit in yet.)
2014: Ambition        (Dot proving to me that ambition is a true key to success.)
2015: Absenteeism   (Reflective that the two bloggers that got me started, had quit.)
2016: Adios Amigos (Starting by saying goodbye, as I'd fled to Mexico to learn to surf.)
2017: Amazing          (The selfie I shared was taken the night before my very first April A- Z post in 2013. What an amazing outlet this has truly become!)

WILL I EVER LEARN?

A couple of days ago I was standing in the front reception area of our office, when I noticed two trucks from the company I use to work for, turn right at the only traffic light in town.

 Loaded full of men yet the racks empty of product, I couldn’t help but verbalize my thoughts to the two peeps standing with me. “Lookie over there,” I said.  “Five guys on a mission and nothing to install. How much do you want to bet they are going back to fix all their mistakes?!” Laughter from those within earshot quickly ensued.

It’ll be four years next month since I resigned and moved on from their employ, and I’m not sure why I’m still such a big bitch about it. Actually, that's a lie, I know exactly why. 

They're called red flags for a reason
TAKEN: Sayulita, Mexico (APRIL 2016)

Because I am fiercely loyal to a fault and the owners of that company took that immeasurable loyalty for granted. In turn, I cut my losses and walked away from what I considered to be the best job I’d ever had.

I have been seriously reflecting about my genuine sense of loyalty for about the last year and a half. As a matter of fact, last winter, for the first time since the mid-2000's, I began seeing my psychologist again. I went to her regularly in the mid 90’s after a severe and languishing bout of postpartum depression.

In that particular instance in the 90's, I wanted to understand why I constantly struggled with my inability to go from funk to fab. In turn, after a little more than a year, she’d helped me create an amazing toolbox of skills that I still lean on today which help me manage my mindset; without the use of a pharmaceutical company.

This time around, my need for assistance was a much more personal one and after a winter of coaching, by the end of March 2017 I was back to my good ole confident inner self. With her unconditional help, I have a solid knowledge and full understanding  on how to help myself combat those people that take my sense of ingrained loyalty for granted. 

As I seek further guidance, I know she'll tell me to continue to remind myself that one of the hardest journeys I’ll ever take in this life is the never-ending road to understanding how to put myself first. I understand that I am conditioned for always thinking the right thing will happen, when in fact if I were to check the overall stats, for me personally, it rarely does.

Let’s face it, I've had enough experience in this department to know that everything will be fine. To which I choose to believe, in the end, karma will be a bigger bitch than I will ever need to be; so I’m just going to be a big girl, take the high road, and call it a day. 

Just to clarify, the use of the word big in the above sentence is in the direct reference to my level of maturity and not my actual girth. Though truth be known, I could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. 

Just sayin'.

BAD LUCK OR LIFE LESSON?

For a very specific reason, at 5:15 a.m. yesterday morning, I reflected that I’d read somewhere that there's no such thing as good luck or bad luck. Instead, the big picture theory's that life itself is simply a vast array of either life lessons or blessings. Trust me when I share that when I mumbled those paraphrased words aloud before dawn yesterday morn it involved some extreme profanity; so I'll breeze over those specifics and fast forward to my point.

You can imagine my struggle to understand my general ability to compartmentalize my lot called a lesson whilst standing in the middle of my flooded downstairs family room at dawn. For instance, should that truly be the case, how the hell can I get out of this overrated classroom teaching me life lessons that mimic reality? 

Short story long, I returned home after an amazing weekend to a burst hot water tank. Now, here's where it gets interesting. I must say, what a difference 36 hours makes.

Before and after. It makes me sad.
TAKEN: JULY 10th, 2017

With the kids grown and gone, I head downstairs no more than once a week to clean. Because our home is without air-conditioning, from May to October, that space is pretty much doggie central. I keep it cool for the pups, whom generally scurry to the door when I pull in the driveway, so I never feel the need to visit them in their space.

To compound that, the laundry gets done by hand via my glass washboard at the cottage. So, though I still clean their space weekly, I have no need for the laundry room. I guess I could admit that I'm grateful something unexpectedly tumbled down the stairs yesterday morning, or I wouldn't have gone downstairs. Could going downstairs be characterized as a blessing?

Anyway, by mid-morning, I recalled I did a lot of research before we pulled up the carpet and replaced it with laminated flooring, not hardwood. Yesterday, my research became one of those things in disguise. The floating floor we'd installed was up in about an hour and a half, presenting me with blessing #2.

Blessing number 3? Treat people the way you want to be treated. One call and my new high efficiency hot water tank was purchased and installed by early afternoon. With fans oscillating and dehumidifiers buzzing I can only hope that I can afford to replace the flooring I really loved.

Afterall, we all know hydro gets paid first and I can see the spike in consumption from the instant the tank went down.  Though I had an amazing weekend, when all is said and done I am thinking I could have flown to see my best electronic friend for the lot of hydro that was consumed waiting for me to experience my first blessing. 

So I'll leave you with two things: Enough with the life lessons & I hate Hydro.

OK, three things. Lastly.... Ya gotta laugh about it!

D IS FOR DESTINATIONS

Well, it’s the fourth letter of the alphabet and I am already feeling as though I am going to have a total brain spasm. So much so that I trolled my previous April A-Z posts to see if anything brilliant sparked. Almost an hour later, still nothing. Zero, zip, zilch, nada, nothing.

Then it hit me. When I was tuning up to begin this years’ challenge, I wasn’t sure my heart was in the right place to participate. As usual, with only a few letters accomplished I am getting ready to close my suitcase on my birthday trip. I was going to fold and admit that I’m still not sure I want to do this, then I had my a-ha moment.

Every year since committing to April A-Z I have traveled for my birthday, and every year I am stressed during the first leg of the challenge. So, as a friendly reminder of the last four challenges I have participated in, here’s a glimpse of where I’ve been, whilst completely freaking out about posting to this blog. This year, I will be in New Orleans.

As I prepare to hop a plane at 7am tomorrow morning, there are two things I am hoping for. A safe & smooth flight... and that the wi-fi in in my hotel in New Orleans functions better than it did in the house I rented last year in Mexico!

(L-R) South Carolina 2013, Jamaica 2014, Samana DR 2015, Sayulita MX 2016, NOLA 2017
TAKEN: April 2013,2014,2015,2016

OUTDOOR RHONDI REFLECTION

Beauty day at the cottage!
TAKEN: FEBRUARY 20th, 2017

Like the majority of Canadians, last weekend I celebrated the Family Day long weekend. Though I spoke with each of my children more than once electronically, it was my fur babies that received the bulk of my attention, as the 4 of us spent most the weekend outside. 

To compliment that, as I do quite often when I have some time to myself, over early morning coffee last weekend I reflected on what I had going on this time last year; the year before that and so on. 

If you don’t relate to the concept of keeping an electronic journal you may find my next point a tad odd to fathom. But I love the fact that I have a accumulated a snapshot in time of what I've had happening in the last few years of my life. A wee titch creepier is that I remember my general mindset with regards to 99.9% of the things I have written about, as well as whom/what I've addressed. Not because my OCD trumps my limited writing skills but simply because most of my posts have an extremely personal element attached.

Some appear as simple quirky stories, yet most have an underlying theme that either masks the pain I was feeling when solidifying my thoughts, or that typing out and posting my thoughts helped me release the stress associated with a specific situation; ultimately allowing me to let the angst go.

Believe it or not, the funniest ones, were the most emotional to write. As I sit back and look at where I'm at personally, today, at this point in time, I am shocked how I have evolved since I posted my first offering on November 20th, 2011.
(CLICK TO READ: Here We Go!)  

The first few years were essential to me finding out where I fit. Not in a 'square hole/round peg' type of scenario, rather a 'what was I meant to do when I grow up' sort of crossroad. All these years later, though I may have grown exponentially as a person, I still have questions... and some of them are absolutely ridiculous. 

At the end of the day, I guess I am sharing that I have finally come to terms with the fact that I march to the beat of a different drummer. Though I will admit I have discovered that no matter how hard I try to change things about my persona and I am unable, that drummer and I will always strive to understand why.

As I pack up the pups and head for a sleepover at the cottage my mind will wander with all the different dummers that have inspired me. Let's see: Phil Collins, Don Henley, Neil Peart and most definitely Levon Helm. Oh ya, mustn't forget that one armed dummer Rick Allen from Def Lepard.  His is the voice in my head that confirms I will never let others judge me for my choices.

Because, ultimately, they are MINE!

MY PERSONAL PEACE IN SUNLIGHT

Well, to nip my Seasonal Affective Disorder in the ass, this past Monday morn I got on a plane.  Because I share my travel adventures with you, this ‘Fall of 2016’ escapade was one I had fiercely researched and booked last June; resulting in my first ever 12-day jaunt into the sunlight.

My Trip Advisor specifics aside, as my departure drew near, I will admit that I did NOT want to go. There was a serious amount of dialogue back and forth about cancelling but in the end, my best friend convinced me that if I didn’t go into the light, the upcoming winter would consume me. At the end of the day, I knew he was right.

Unfortunately, his reassurances and prompts didn’t change for the past couple of  months my mind’s been wound tighter than a nuns’ whoo-whoo. The closer my trip approached, the more I internalized  my dismay. 

The more I compartmentalized, the less I slept. Then, that last straw broke the proverbial camels back and I realized that no matter what I did, nor what I said, some circumstances are never meant to change. So, I shed my worry and got on a plane.

Well, approximately 48 hours since arriving I think I finally may be getting into the swing of things. That said, I'll keep ya posted as I am hoping to take time and write daily. 

Something I haven't done since April...

Photography and my blog.... Two of my favourite things!
TAKEN: NOVEMBER 30th, 2016

♫♪♫ DOCTOR, MY EYES... ♪♫♪

Today was a very enjoyable hump day for me. Pleased to report that I toddled in and brainstormed with Pete, then SJ landed and took it to the next level. I semi-worked a lot and sang aloud a little. Guess I am just simply elated that today has rated as something other than a deeply frozen February day!

Aside from my good humour, when I was hunkered down first thing this morning, it produced an official “AH-HA” moment for me. Today it became undeniably apparent that I have to get prescription spectacles. I don’t want to, yet I know it’s time. Being unable to read my laptop screen this morning made me realize that my hours in front of the computer have taken a toll and it's time to pay the piper!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN
(...to listen to one of my very favorite Jackson Browne songs)
TAKEN: FEBRUARY 18th, 2015

Vanity aside, I have a 27” computer screen at home and it probably sits closer to my face than it should. Glass half full? I never have to use my Dollar Store magnifying glasses (pictured left) when I am working in front of it.

That said, today when I was trying to work from my laptop, it was like trying to read the fine print on a small tube of hemorrhoid cream. The inability, simply offered zero relief to the pain in my ass!

Anyway, I think I'm so conditioned to pushing myself through challenges that I never stop & wonder how much easier it might be with a little help. Why so? Who the hell knows... All I know is that I am squinting like at bandit trying to finish this post (and if it weren't for my happy light and my eyelashes creating shadows, I wouldn't be able to read what I am typing).

After such a great day, all I can say is here's hoping that I don't have to wear the bottom of a couple of pop bottles, welded to a set of heavy duty wire rim fence frames.

Pfft.... Whatever. At least I have half a chance in making those suckers seem fashionable!

...I GOTSTA A BOOTY CALL!

This time last year I was the happiest I’d been in my personal life in a very long time.

Everything at home was tickety-boo and I was surrounded by a couple of amazing folks that unconditionally supported me leaving the best job I’d ever had. Even today, reminiscing about their support and friendship keeps me totally content that I've made the right decision in starting over.

I've processed some of my worst moments in this chair.
TAKEN: September 23, 2014

Now that you’re all warm and fuzzy inside, here’s the zinger. Yesterday, the external hard drive (that I consider my daily life line) died. 

Like any death, I am feeling completely alone.

I've never thought of myself as a work-a-holic, I've always preferred focused; that was until I sat at my desk this morning & realized exactly what I had to rebuild. Like any death, it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

In order to self-preserve I have always looked to humour. After getting off the phone with one of my two above mention faves I felt better. They listened to me cry but also heard me laugh. Their work ethic gives me the strength to push through and hearing their voice reminded me I’m not alone.

I haven’t spoken nor emailed my other fave. He knows who he is. Always the class clown, he’s forever rationalizing any negative thing in life by equating it to sex.  My best guess is that he would probably playfully remind be that yesterday was nothing other than a really HOT Booty Call. 

Truth? I wasn't ready to hear what he had to say when I asked why LIFE wanted to screw me so bad... Guess it's because I know he would have had me in tears with laughter and I'm honestly not quite ready for that yet.

NOTE TO SELF: Call him first thing tomorrow!

Pot Of Gold Anyone?

My photo does not do this perfect moment justice.
Taken: May 31, 2013

As I do every Friday, I had planned to golf last night. That said, Mother Nature had a different plan. As a result, I bolted out to the cottage like lightening ahead of The Weather Networks warning of it.

As I poured myself a glass of wine the sky opened and the mother-load hit; I love a good storm, and with no lighting on the radar, I stood in the rain and kept Puddin’ fetching a tennis ball in and out of the lake.

What can I say, Dottie would participate in no such nonsense, so after dinner, it was Dot’s turn for a treat.

...Out we went in her favourite boat that floats.

The lake was like glass. The bugs were at bay, and we were all alone. Peddling along, and singing out loud to my pups, I glanced over to find this breathtaking site.

I instantly began sending it to friends that can relate. People that work with people for a living, and strive every single day to encompass a “glass half full” mindset. One friend instantly responded with the obvious question.

"Did you find the pot of gold?" he asked. "Not yet" I said. "But I feel there's hope."

His response both warmed my heart and made me smile.

"I agree..." was all I read. 

Y Is For... YESTERDAY

Oh, the double edged sword. I’m the first to admit you can never go back; but if you could, what’s the one thing that you would change? I realize it’s an unrealistic question but deep down inside, I would be surprised if you said absolutely nothing.

April 29th, 2013 - YESTERDAY
Taken: April 1977

If I was being completely honest with myself, there are a few things in the last thirty plus years I would have done differently. Some apply to my immediate family, some apply to me intimately as a person, and some even apply to my married life.

I have spent my entire life as a driving force for everyone else; fiercely competitive with a core focus on progress and success. 

As a person never wanting to stop moving forward, I can’t believe that in this very moment I am thinking about what could have been.

It’s not because I am feeling especially reflective, it's just the word itself planted the seed. As soon as I chose 'yesterday', my imagination literally ran. 

My childhood, sports, teen years, discipline, marriage, small children, grown children, career; the reaction was swift. That said, I am going to go there just the same. 

If I could venture to any given yesterday what's the one thing I would change? It's more of a wish really.

I simply would have been free to be ME.

O Is For... OPTIMISTIC

Let’s just get the white elephant out of the room on this one. I wanted to choose orgasm, yet I didn’t register for adult content so I moved on. Opinionated was a close second, you all know I am so why bother. Orillia Lake is something I've already beaten to death: next? 

Outgoing, I am. Obese, I am not. Offensive, I try. Considered, once; “once was lost, now I'm found” ...Pffft, I’m blocked.

April 17th, 2013 - OPTIMISTIC

I am overwhelmed at work but who gives a crap? I don’t eat organic so that's pretty silly. 

Oh Henry? Oh My God? How about obedient? Don't answer that. BLOCKED!

The object of my affection? The occasional off colour joke? Well, it's never occasional, which leads me to obnoxious.

One-horse, one-sided, old, only, onward? Nope!

Zero. Zip. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

Officially blocked, I am optimistic one word will come to me by the end of the day. Who says "more isn't necessarily better... sometimes it's just more?" 

Oops. Obviously? That would be me!

D is For… DRIVE

Drive is one of the most common words in my vocabulary. When it comes to my car; it’s defined by a licence, my overall ability, and a really great stereo. When it comes to my personality; it’s defined by desire, determination, and passion. When it comes to my game; it's my very favourite golf club. Matter a fact, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside each time I step up to the tee.

There is a definite balance of all three in my day to day life. Bought new Taylor Made golf clubs last year and my drive improved so much that when my ball took flight, it travelled so far that thing was showing a movie! I am equally intense about my personal drive; I've always had it, hope I always will. The downside? This time last year I had the burning desire to drive a car as well. Sad fact is that it was to drive really fast, and the hell out of town this sleepy little town!

What can I say, life is tough right up until the moment it isn’t. Doesn’t matter if your golf game has a case of the shanks, your career isn’t where you expected it to be, or your personal life is in the toilet; the only one that can keep your life together is you. Feel free to blame others for your lot in life, but there's no one else but you driving the proverbial bus called life.

April 4, 2013 - DRIVE
Taken: Downtown Toronto January 27, 2013

What a difference a year makes. Seems this year  I just can't get enough of a good daytrip that always leads me home.

I love having my head out the window, the wind in my hair, the bugs in my teeth, with not a care in the world. OK that's my dogs but it makes my point.

Is that my problem right there in a nutshell? Am I just too dang busy trying to my life through others? Guess my lunch with Jeff Gordon is on the back burner. Pfft... Figures!

If you honestly believe that I don't know who I am and what I want, I have a parcel of swamp land in Florida. I'm in Sales. Any takers?