A TIME TO HEAL

We attended a beautiful celebration of life memorial yesterday. You can't imagine the shockwaves that roared, when he died suddenly and very unexpectedly last fall. 

It was a loving service for a young coworker of my husband’s that will hopefully bring some sort of high level of closure to his immediate family; whom are devastated. 

Rest in Peace Dennis....
TAKEN: SEPTEMBER 10th, 2022

My husband has been very close with both of his parents for years, as he and the lad’s dad had also been coworkers since my guy joined the company (when he was fifteen years of age) and they worked together right up until a couple of years ago, when John retired.

Like most, I never look forward to occasions like these. Primarily because I have deep personal struggles when it comes to processing a death. I’m not sure why, but my inner thoughts are because I have seen so much of it over the years.

Just like weddings, funerals are that similar occasion where you come back in touch with so many you never see on a regular basis.  As weird as this may read, yesterday was one of those days when you were grateful we are able to hug again.

One fella, who I have known for decades, I hadn’t seen in over a decade. Though my husband sees him once a week, it took an occasion like we attended yesterday for us to reconnect.

Others, though we know of the other on some level but have no real connection, reacted to each other with profound respect of each, in hope of helping John and Brenda heal.

Goodbye for now Dennis. Sleep well…. You are truly missed.

PS: Say hello to Smartie for me. 

PSS: He'll be the one making everyone around him smile. xo

OUR HEALTHY HIATUS

 

Fun times on our last pre-lockdown vacation to Mazatlán Mexico.
Sad that (post op) travel will never be the same. BUT... We'll figure it out!
TAKEN: DECEMBER 2, 2019

Due to circumstances beyond our control, my husband took a three-month work hiatus last fall which saw me booking a prearranged block of time off with him. 

His time was for personal health reasons. Mine was to be his 'beck and call' girl, ensuring we got to keep him around with us for many more years to come.

I began my work break the day before my husband entered the hospital, and we mutually decided on day five after his surgery, that I would not be returning to my then place of employment.

That said, not to throw baby out with bathwater, I requested to take an addition three weeks of vacation time once we got home. You know, in hopes my boss wouldn’t turn out to be the greedy turd my hubby warned me he was.

Alas, when the time ran out, I lost in my true wager of hope. He won the lackluster coin toss fair and square, and as we expected I officially left the job the Friday night before I was set to return the first Monday in November.

Though you may be sensing this is going to be a dark rant about a bad boss - it isn’t.  He’s in the past and not the direction I’m going. This electronic journal post is a good news story about my husband and me.

A good news story on how we spent three life changing months, in very close proximity, essentially only in each other’s company and we didn’t kill each other… Signifying will be a successful team in retirement!

Now, for those of you that know my husband, certain phrases will always come to mind. “Great guy, amazing friend, gets along with everyone” top the list, and the list is long. The one thing I will say, is that none of those people live with him.

Just as I’m sure people that know yours truly, wonder how my hubby puts up with me, I will caution once again… you don’t live with us. I believe we work well because we have found a great balance.

At the end of the day, we have always worked hard on good communication as well as our overall friendship with each other. We married young and started our family younger than most. Yet, we were lucky to have found a rhythm that truly bonds the both of us. 

Most importantly, the rough patches are things we still discuss openly, they aren’t tucked away. As we both recognize, those times are all a part of how we have arrived at today.

Suffice to say, because of our looming circumstance over the last year, we’ve discussed our plans for retirement and what that may look like. I guess I can say that after the last three months, now we're just excited about how that eventual transition will happen. 

Which brings me to my long story/short point:

How do you know it’s your time to retire? It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!

Stay tuned. After a year, I am finally writing again... and I promise to report back on what we decide!!

H IS FOR HEARTFELT

 From the April A-Z Blogging archives.

This was originally posted April 9, 2019

My 2019 April A-Z Blogging Challenge posts will primarily consist of corresponding quotes.
(With the flash of opinionated electronic journal entry inserted to keep you on your toes.) 

GOURD-GEOUS & GRATEFUL

2020 Great Pumpkin Carving Event
(l-r) Goob, JMRex, Sweetie, Jukebox, Tam_lya
TAKEN: OCTOBER 12, 2020

For well over a decade, the weekend before Hallowe’en I have lugged a pumpkin into the cottage and carved it the night before it was closed for the winter. For whatever reason, watching my last seasonal effort of the season flickering by the fall moon light was tradition I always looked forward to. 

That said, have you ever had a nagging feeling that something bad was lurking around the corner, and no matter what you did, you couldn’t seem to shake it? This year, I had an eerie feeling my annual pumpkin carve wasn’t going to happen; hindsight has confirmed my ‘spidey senses’ were correct.

In Canada, we traditionally celebrate Thanksgiving the second Monday of October. Feeling unsettled through the month of September, I decided to buy pumpkins for the kids to carve before we ate our family feast.

That evening at dusk, I lit them all and snapped the photo that I am sharing. The next morning, I was headed to the hospital at 3am and today the cottage was closed for the remainder of 2020. I am still dealing with the fact that my life has changed forever.

I don’t want to get into the if and or buts here, I just want to reaffirm that when a loved one doesn’t want to seek medical help you can’t force them and it isn’t your fault. In the end, all you can do is love them and hope they understand how their decisions have effected every single person in their lives.

I am one that has been, and always will be, grateful for the little things in life. Like grown children that willingly participate in a pumpkin carving contest because their mother loves how their simple glow at dusk makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Peeps... Hug the ones you love. Really tight. Because everything can change in the blink of an eye!

P IS FOR PAMELA

Pamela and her big brother,
TAKEN: DECEMBER 2010

If you’re a reader I know you've previously met my sister in law Pamela. 

But, if you’re discovering my electronic journal this month via the April A-Z Challenge, I am happy you’re going to get to read about  her here today.

I met Pamela for the first time when I began dating her step brother; she was four years old.

I distinctly remember that day. So much so, that I remember she was barefoot on her tricycle. 

She energetically zoomed over to me in the driveway and introduced herself with a level of confidence most adults never achieve in their lifetime. It was like she was a beaming ray of absolute sunshine.

Through her teen years, like most of us, she maintained a core group of friends and had her heart broken a couple of time before meeting her life mate. Together the relocated back to her home town and eventually, his young daughter joined her father and Pamela hit the ground running as a family. The three became four when they welcomed a son.

She was amazing. A real pistol that was one of the most caring people I’ve ever had the privilege of getting to know. She was quick witted and smart, she was beautiful and funny but most of all she was a wonderful and caring mom.

We lost Pamela, at the age of 39 on October 28th, 2019. 

I still struggle with the suddenness of it all but more so that I sense her death could have been prevented. We all miss her very much. Then again, we all know one thing to be true. Which is... Goodbyes always hurt the most when the story is not finished. 

Rest In Peace my sweet. Until we meet again.

M IS FOR MY MOM

My mother, whom lived from 1930-1987
TAKEN: JULY 1947

This is my Mom.

If you haven’t met her via a previous post, allow me to introduce you to my mother Inez.

She was 17 years old when this photo was taken and the only one I own that was taken before she was married.

Though I have very few pictures of her, that doesn't mean that all of my life long memories aren't vivid, colourful, and still very much alive.

She was a fighter.

She won most every battle she set her mind to, but sadly she eventually lost the war. She passed in 1987 of ALS (more commonly known to the masses as Lou Gehrig's Disease).

I love and miss her very much.

A FRIEND IN NEED

Let's all pull together to help Duncan!
(Photo usage permissions given)

I’m not exactly sure why, but there’s something truly extraordinary about staying connected with childhood friends.

Part of me leans toward the fact that even though we may have grown apart socially or geographically, our formative years were spent discovering so many life lessons together, we generally work to remain linked.

That said, the other side of today’s very insightful coin is that there’s never a good way to deliver bad news. And last week, we received some heart wrenching news about our lifelong friend, Duncan MacDonald.

If you’ve never met Duncan, I’m sad to say you’ve been deprived of an amazing energy like no other. In the last thirty years, never once have I bumped into him that he didn’t call me by name, with a cheerful hello, and an ear to ear smile. He is extremely humble and personifies a positive person.

Well, this fine lad has had an unexpected set back. He woke about a week ago, in excruciating pain, unable to walk. Suffice it to say, he has been given a diagnosis that has a long road map to recovery attached. 

So, I am doing something I've never done since I began this silly electronic journal almost ten years ago. I’d like to ask for your help.

There is a fundraiser being held for him at the Bracebridge Legion (168 Muskoka Rd S) on Saturday March 7th at 7 pm. Tickets are $20.

Ideally I’d like to see you there, but feel free to buy a ticket to simply help, or message me directly if you'd like to make a personal or corporate donation.

If none of the above work for you, I'd like to ask you to do something equally as valuable - and share my post to help others know Duncan is in hospital.

Let’s face it. I don’t know what I’d do if this ever happened to me.

What I do know is, that Duncan MacDonald would immediately get in touch with my husband, to find out what HE could do to help.

...Because that's just that kinda guy he is!

REMEMBERING 2019

Most Significant Moment: 

The unexpected and very tragic passing of my sister in law Pamela Peacock.

She passed October 28th, 2019 and was only 39 years old. 

Pictured here in the middle, may this beautiful face, forever rest in peace.

My year in the rear view!
TAKEN: Throughout 2019

January:  My renovation project 'Popcorn Ceiling Begone' got underway. It lasted three months and the next floor gets underway again in January 2020. 

February: Spent an amazing week walking the miles of beach in Cayo Coco, Cuba.

March: My Spotti Dotti and her best friend by the bonfire. (Her very favourite thing to do!)

April: My birthday trip to New York City. It was amazing having my son as my tour guide and seeing Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden.

May: Took a Mommy/Daughter weekend trip to New Orleans, Louisiana. Here she is on Bourbon Street!!

June: My beloved Toronto Raptors won the 2019 NBA title.

July: The very difficult decision was made to allow Dot to finally sleep easy and rest in peace.

August: Spent the majority of this month and next living with the pups at the cottage. The solitude was exactly what I needed.

September: Played hostess for our company's bi-annual team building fishing trip on the west end of Lake Nippissing.

October: Was sickened by the entire federal election campaign bullshit that took place.

November: During my week long vacation I hiked to the top to the El Faro Lighthouse in Mexico

December: A whirlwind month that finally slowed down on Christmas Eve. Marking, what will hopefully be, a couple of new traditions.

Bullet points aside, this past year had me dealing with serious illness, the loss of several cherished loved ones, as well as a fur baby. 

I think a combination of all of the events is why now, more than ever, I am going to try not to focus my energy on others that aren't going to enhance my personal life and my loved ones around me for the better. 

As I have written here before, I believe sometimes all people need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them. I think that is going to be my motto for the next year and surround myself accordingly.

Welcome 2020. 

Let's make it one of the best ones yet!

H IS FOR HEARTFELT

My 2019 April A-Z Blogging Challenge posts will primarily consist of words and corresponding quotes.
(...With the odd opinionated electronic journal entry inserted to keep you on your toes.) 

G IS FOR GENEROSITY

My 2019 April A-Z Blogging Challenge posts will primarily consist of words and corresponding quotes.
(...With the odd opinionated electronic journal entry inserted to keep you on your toes.) 

MY PERFECT GLOW

I don’t know about you, but there's a handful of things that instantly remind me of early childhood happiness. Those few things are so vivid, that in a nanosecond I feel four or five years old again. This time of year, it’s the beautiful nighttime glow of multicoloured Christmas tree lights that warm my heart.

All these years later, I recall the longest trimming ritual (aside from placing the single strands of silver tinsel) was putting the heavy tin reflectors on the large string of bulbs. Boy, those large painted bulbs got hot so quickly, that getting to enjoy their illuminated beauty in the evening was always a treat. Simply because they were never allowed to stay on very long. All reminiscent memories but the awe of those beautiful lights remain ingrained in my spirit; all these decades later.

From the time we bought our first home, an artificial tree was traditionally assembled & disassembled using specific calendar days as a guide. Then, when my dad passed in 2005, I didn’t have the energy nor the desire to bother, so a real tree was purchased less than a week before Christmas was set to arrive. I’ve purchased a real tree ever since.

ONLY multicoloured
lights for this cat.
TAKEN: DECEMBER 24th, 2018

This year, I hit the jackpot at my grocery store tree lot. I paid my forty five bucks and brought this absolute beauty home. 

As I began to string the lights from the inside out, I had to make an additional trip to Canadian Tire for more lights. In total, I managed to load my tree with close to 600 of one of my favourite things.

Running on a timer at dusk, from the time I turned that last corner on my street before landing at the house, I could see the glow of my lights in the living room window. 

Then, each night until the Christmas break, I would finish the dinner chores and settle into watch my evening episode of Jeopardy. I would find my channel, stretch out & admire my beautiful tree.

Then, every night, something always made me stop and reflect.

It wasn't because the kids are grown and gone, doing there own thing, there wouldn't be much under it. It was that my Dad wasn’t sitting on the couch next to me...

Enjoying my beautifully lit tree.

MY 'FALL BACK' BLUES

Loving life, Los Cobos
& the Sea of Cortez!
TAKEN: DECEMBER 1st, 2015

In the midst of planning a winter girlz getaway this coming February, I reflected.  For the first time since November 2014, I have to deal with my seasonal affective ‘Fall Back Blues’ without a juicy jolt of Vitamin D.

Truth of the matter is that this time around I entered into the annual grove feeling amazing, as well as completely mentally prepared. So much so that I was generally confident those suckers would stay at bay.

Then, by the time I went to bed last Saturday night, I knew certain tell-tale behaviours had effortlessly latched onto me without warning.

For example, even though I slept very well Friday night, I felt a strong cosmic pull toward my king-size bed late Saturday morn.  That undeniable force had me act on an innate desire to be bundled up like a mama bear bumbling to her den for the winter; and for the record, I'm not exactly proud of what followed.

For what it's worth, I am generally embarrassed to admit that I folded like a lawn chair & curled up in said bed with my three pups (and as many blankets) submitting to the molecular desire to delve into the exponentially spellbinding plot twists of a handful of Hallmark Christmas movies.

Even worse, in the midst of my much needed 'everyone lives happily ever after' fix, I ate junk food. After the bag of chocolate covered peanuts were devoured, I chowed down on fresh bread and butter (which I haven’t in months). Then, to compound both of the above, I swear I looked in the fridge at least a dozen times for my go to comfort food. I am pleased to report that my husband seriously keeps that shit locked down, so I failed to consume any gravy!

Laugh if you must but I am being completely honest.  My exciting ‘glass half full’ epiphany is that by 8pm Saturday night I recognized I was in a junk food/fully indulgent BAD movie vortex, which in itself was an amazing breakthrough for me. 

As you know, since my Dad passed in 2005, food has always been something I’ve had to tread lightly with. I am an emotional eater, and it appears the fall-back time change admittedly connects my lack of light with very stupid dietary decisions.

I am so very grateful to be able to talk about my struggle here but I am most appreciative of the career crew I have in my everyday life. They know how hard I work to maintain a good diet and healthy lifestyle, and they recognize my wins. It is amazing to be surrounded by a tightly knit group of people that unconditionally support each other. Every. Single. Day.

Oh, and to my husband... for hiding the gravy.

Really. I'm dead serious. Gravy is the devil!!

Z IS FOR ZEN

The quieter you become.... the more you can hear. ~ Anonymous 

MADE YOUR APPOINTMENT YET?

So, it’s been a little over a year since I began my quest for a clean bill of health. It started in my family doctor's office with a clear vision of me needing to establish a starting point for my mid-life body, giving me the ability to embrace it for the next twenty five plus years.

It immediately kicked off with a ton of blood work that quickly led to a series of ultrasounds, smears, specialists & 'oscopy procedures; and although it took longer than I'd ever imagined, all have proven to have been very necessary.

My point is that I had an outpatient procedure yesterday in hospital about 30 miles south of me. It was at my request, as we had ruled out the medication dealing with what was a definite growth wasn't having the overall impact that was expected.

Because I was the one pushing for the procedure, I didn't find the idea as personally stressful as say if I’d been given less than a week's notice and told it had to happen as soon as possible. In hindsight, I wish I would have been more mentally prepared and done some clear research to understand what I was about to endure. 

Who knew OHIP supplied very sexy paper bracelets
for enduring one of their life changing spa experiences?!
TAKEN: FEBRUARY 22nd, 2018

As silly as this may read, I believed that I was going to pop in and out of the outpatient department as fast as one does locally when they have a mammogram, which wasn't the case.

I should have picked up my doctors' vibe when he asked me, twice, 'if I would prefer to have a general anesthetic' and not remain awake.

I declined because I felt I had prepared myself for having the lump removed, yet what I didn't know was how painful and stressful being awake for the procedure would be. I actually think I went into a little bit of shock... Because by the time I dressed and said my goodbyes, I began to shake all over. I narrowly managed to get into the car before I had a total meltdown. I cried all the way home from the sheer physicality & emotional anxiety of what I'd just endured.

Now that I have had time to calm down, I don't regret going forward with the procedure. I was a tad surprised with the number of stitches I received and that it would take close to a month for them to heal but the experience is all a part of the bigger picture and my own philosophy, which is that no one should ever take their health for granted.

If I have to take a glass half full moment from the experience, it would have to be that I am so very grateful that I have always been aware of my body and any changes that are happening. Between self-examination and the simplistic generality of Web-MD, I hope to have stayed ahead of my biopsy results being cancerous.

If you haven't kept up on your bill of health, make that appointment today. If my post doesn't spell it out, understand that there are a million reasons why you should with the #1 reason being the single most important one of all.

... You're freaking worth it!

L IS FOR LOVE

I can't begin to explain what I experienced when I was away for my birthday trip. I have always been somewhat of a closeted artist and no matter what, I always make an effort to embrace any and all offerings in their context. When I was in New Orleans, I expereinced a medium that was new to me: a living statue.

This is what I was given when I placed some money at her feet. Otherwise, she never moved.
Respect is what we awe... Love is what we give.
TAKEN: APRIL 9th, 2017

A living statue is a street artist who poses as a statue or mannequin, for hours at a time. The one I am sharing today absolutely moved me. I watched her in the scorching hot sun as her perspiration formed pools of sweat dripping from her elbows and her back was completely soaked. Nothing distracted her and her vibe was awe inspiring. 

Out of respect, if I took a photo or videotaped an artist, I left them a monetary reward for entertaining me. This is the only artist I rewarded twice. Once after I took her photo the first time and again when she gently moved to hand me her message. The moment of watching her move and offer me this small gift still gives me goosebumps as I type. In that moment, I thanked her. 

...Because the only thing more powerful than giving love, is receiving it.

Have a great day.

K IS FOR KARMA

As you may or may not know, I have a deep seeded belief in the natural law of karma. No matter how silly this reads, I truly believe vindictive people, that go out of their way to hurt others, will end up eventually getting what they are entitled; their just desserts. 

You've read here over and over again that I treat people the way I want to be treated. If there is a disconnect between where we've been and where we are going, I harbour no ill will. I simply disconnect myself from that person and continue to gravitate to those that have earned the amazing energy I expend.

My post's a reminder: Never lose sight that your actions control your destiny.

C IS FOR CANADIAN

Like most people, I describe myself as a lot of things. I am a mother, a wife, a dog lover and on any given day I can be a fat hairy bitch. That said, one of the things I am most proud to describe myself as, is that I am Canadian.

My travels over the years have taken me to many different place. Should everything in my life remain aligned, next year I hope to cross that great big pond for the very first time into Europe. You see, leaving this country I love was never an option when I was growing up. Both parents felt it extremely important that I see and understand our homeland before I ventured into another.

My beautiful cottage view is always complimented by a Canadian flag.
TAKEN: AUGUST 2016 

You know what? If I close my eyes, even today I can see myself travelling on the Victoria Ferry over to Vancouver Island, I can recall the angst of watching those grain silos on the Prairies take forever to arrive; boy I loved those prairie dogs. As a grown woman, one of my favourite memories happened while standing outside the beautiful churches in Mahone Bay, Nova Scotia on my way to Peggy's Cove. I am so very fortunate to have so many wonderful memories and live in the true north strong and free.

Thanks for reading.

NO SOUP FOR ME!

Last week produced some of the worse walking and driving conditions in my neck of the woods in a very long time. The good news is that by the time Friday morning rolled around the mercury was well above freezing and it managed to climb to a balmy 5C yesterday. It felt good to be out and about town without a coat in January.

So here's the million dollar question of the day: A northerner by birth, have I finally learned to live in harmony with winter; or am I just so conditioned to going through the motions, that I can completely compartmentalize my serious disdain for this time of year? For a couple of reasons, in this very moment, I have to go with the latter.

Road were exactly like my rear view mirror... Slickery!
TAKEN: JANUARY 18th, 2017

You see, over the holiday break I received some very shocking & heartbreaking personal news about a very dear friend. So as a group it was decided we'd hop a plane and head into the sun for the Family Day long weekend. Nothing extravagant, just a quick flight and 3 quiet days away from it all. As always, I gladly offered to book everything online.

Having had no time to really focus on flight times etc., I decided to finally roll up my jammie sleeves this morning, go online and book. The original condo decided upon was out of the question as the owner got his dates mixed up. So, as a back up, I'd short listed other options. The disappointment this morning's that I should have never procrastinated as I have to go back to the drawing board.

Dang, spang! Before my exercise this morning, I genuinely found the thought of last minute travel exciting; which is no longer the case. My bad. Because I want specific criteria met, I am not having much luck. The truth is I was trolling my friends on Facebook in hopes of getting some suggestions and help; and though they've all been helpful, I am disappointed to report there's still no soup for me.

Yep, even though there's no soup for me, my glass half full's reminding me that it's a probably a good thing. With my complete and total crap luck these last few months, I'm sure had I hit the jackpot today and scored what I wanted,  the soup served would not have been piping hot and hearty.

Likely the opposite.You know, more a bland and unsalted cold vichyssoise!

What can I say other than....Ya Gotta Laugh About It!!