Q IS FOR QUALMS

My latest LinkedIn post.
#truestory #wordstoliveby

The key to success is having no qualms about failure!
(Read that again. Let it sink in.)

N IS FOR NOTABLE

 

A reminder of an important notable...
As my travel buddy hubby takes in
the views from the top of El Faro, Mazatlán
TAKEN: DECEMBER 2nd, 2019

J IS FOR JOY

Well, it’s that time of year again. 

When after months of waiting, I arrive at my destination of choice to celebrate another trip around the sun. 

This year has me nicely perched next to the ocean, in a luxury home we've rented, in the Bahamas.

Once again, I packed a #petrocanada
glass so I could watch the sunset
...and have a drink with my Dad.
TAKEN: APRIL 10th, 2024

Yesterday was an OK travel day. The airports are always hectic but we have learned to navigate them with a ton of off the cuff comedy and a boatload of patience. Afterall, I know where I am going to land, and I realize that in itself is a privilege most never get to experience.

As our taxi zipped along the highway next to the beautiful blue green ocean, I felt myself become overwhelmed with emotion.  I found myself fighting back tears. Tears of joy.

Joy that we can afford to travel as we do, and joy at the best life I have been obviously blessed to be living.

In a nutshell, I will leave you with this. Life is short people. When in doubt, please always refer to Rhondi Rule #779:

Make sure you don't celebrate your 75th birthday.... by living the same year 75 times!

E IS FOR EPIPHANY

Me, dealing with a terrible situation
after my hairdresser unexpectedly
turned me into a blonde!
(I just keep on keepin' on!.)
TAKEN: MAY 25th, 2023

Don't get angry, enraged or insulted.

Rise above the bullshit.

Flick your light back on.

Shine it brighter than ever. 

Fall so deeply in love with your own life

that anyone who tried to wrong you

becomes a laughable, 

ridiculous, distant, memory. 

~ Unknown

My epiphany last spring was to finally stop giving others more latitude than they could ever be granted by others on a good day. 

Instead of focusing on the colour I was dealt, I fired my hairdresser. 

...And it felt really good!

SQUIRRELING MY NUTS

It's that time of year again, where I look to the jar of nuts I have squirreled away all winter and decide how many of those precious gems I am going to spend on each venue, creating a great 2024 concert season. 

Since starting my newest position two and half years ago, I have gotten into the habit of transferring the monies I am paid to do site visits and inspections into a savings account. Knowing full well, that those dollars/nuts will be earmarked for more bucket list tickets.

Because he is in such demand, and focuses primarily on playing football stadiums, my No Shoes Nation buddy won't be headed north of the boarder anytime soon. So, I knew eventually hopping a plane to see him perform was going to be a must. 

Then, shortly after Jimmy Buffet passed, and he and fellow parrot head Zac Brown decided to join forces for their Sun Goes Down Tour. I immediately began making plans to head to into downtown Chicago for our wedding anniversary in June.

Though not a concert, the next tickets to be added here will be for my hubby.
A 1pm start on June 14th at Wrigley Field (Cubs vs Braves)
TAKEN: MARCH 21st, 2024

Though the concert is one of the reasons for heading to Chicago, there are a lot of other items that are a must see. 

An afternoon baseball game at Wrigley Field, a trip to legend Buddy Guys bar in hopes he shows up, an architecture river cruise, and definitely lunch at Lou Malnati's for their famous deep dish pizza. Oh, and let's not forget the fireworks at Navy Pier and a selfie at The Bean!

With our Soldier Field, second tier fourth row adjacent to the stage tickets secured, I am now on the Ticketmaster hunt for Wrigley Field resale tickets.  Which, where my husband wants to sit, are currently running at about the cost of a heart transplant at a private hospital outside Canada. Therefore, I am still squirreling away my nuts to purchase.

I suspect those will be purchased after my annual birthday trip in April. This year we are headed to a luxury oceanfront home we've rented with a pool in the Bahamas. We both love snorkeling, which will be steps through our private gate, so it was a no brainer when West Jet packaged our round trip flights for just over $300 clams each.

Yep, Bahamas is where I spend the clams I have shucked, Ticketmaster is all about my squirreled nuts. Which should not be confused with my 'being nuts'. 

...For obsessively chasing really great concert experiences!

Just sayin'.

TAMING MY TRESSES

You never know who you're going to want to kiss walking Broadway in Nashville! #imabigfan
TAKEN: OCTOBER 10th, 2024

About a week ago, I bit the bullet, went into a hair salon, and got my hair cut. 

Not the most earth-shattering news I have ever shared here - but in this instance, my hair was the longest it had ever been in my life. The truth is I hadn't allowed anyone or anything near my tresses (except my very dull kitchen scissors) since that tearful day last May when I fired my hairdresser.

To be honest, I did wait a couple of days after a Edweena Scissorhands and her barrel of bleach did their deed, before posting about it here. All these months later, my disappointment in what was promised versus what was delivered still really pisses me off!

Anyway, because my hair was already frail, I took a step back and except for root touch up spray to kill the glare, I let it rest for more than two months. Then, through online research, I discovered a natural gloss that washes out which I could apply to cover the blondeness; until my grey could grow out and be blended in with highlights.

You can tell by the picture I am sharing today that by last October, my hair was brittle and because of the overall weight of the length, it looked like crap. It didn't matter what I did. The thing that was once my best accessory, was looking like that super annoying cousin no one wanted to admit they were related to.

Wait, it gets worse. Without notice, my hair started coming out in large clumps in the shower and by the end of January it was significant. My buddy Google said that by repeatedly pulling my hair tightly on the top my head, it was most likely a type of hair loss called traction alopecia. 

I knew it was time. My hair was so damaged that most everything below shoulder length needed to go. So it did. I told my new gal to get rid of everything that needed to go when she very diplomatically said, 'you can come back in a week and we can take more off, it really is best to do this in stages so you can get use to it.'  

She was very empathetic to my journey, and she was absolutely amazing. 

I guess as I sit here and type I wonder how the hell I went from holding my hand up to my ear saying loudly, 'Sorry so-in-so, I can't hear you over the volume of my hair!' To trolling Amazon for hair growth oils and hair thinning solutions.

Three little words. 

Middle age sucks. That is all!

 Actually, that is six words... but I think you catch my drift.

MY EMPTY CHAIR

A very powerful photo of reflection snapped as the sun began to set on December 25th.
TAKEN: DECEMBER 25th, 2023

 

The year twenty-twenty three, though a great year for me professionally,  was also one of staggering loss. Between the people unexpectedly passing, combined with my moving on from those that weren't good for my mental health, saw that final tally exceptionally high.

I'm not exactly sure why, but from a young age, death and great loss has always affected me to my core. 

Part of me wonders if it is attributed to the fact that my parents had me later in life, and I began experiencing death at a younger age than most. I lost my fathers' father and mothers' mother less that three months apart. It was the fall I started grade five; and it hasn't stopped since.

I think the fact that I nursed both of my parents (in palliative homecare) to their deaths by the time I was forty, then lost my very first love unexpectedly at forty three, had something in my mindset give way. I remember the exact moment I made the personal decision to unapologetically live my life to its fullest. To which I have.

This past Christmas, as the house filled with all the smells that represent the holiday season, I paused before I took my photo to say a quick prayer for every single one - living or dead that parted this year.

Whether you agree or not, I believe you truly suffer the stages of grief for both. With acceptance being the final part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the those we've lost. 

If I am being totally honest, I suppose that is what my empty chair actually represents for me.

...Acceptance.

MY COUNTRY MUSIC QUARTET

Old Dominion - top left (ScotiaBank Arena) TAKEN: January 28th, 2023
Zac Brown Band - Top right (Budweiser Stage) TAKEN: July 14th, 2023
Chris Stapleton - Bottom left (Budweiser Stage) TAKEN: August 17th, 2023
Mary Chapin Carpenter - Bottom right (Ryman Auditorium) TAKEN: October 8th, 2023 

I have always appreciated all types of music, but for the last six or seven years, I have found myself gravitating to the channels offerings country on my Sirius satellite app. Suffice it to say, not many were surprised to discover that we landed in Nashville.

I think what might surprise most, is that all tickets purchased for my country music quartet were purchased with less than a month of them all landing on stage. All (except Chapin Carpenter at the Ryman Auditorium) were purchased off Ticketmaster - resale.

Now, I am not proud of what I paid for the tickets, with Old Dominion being the least expensive at a little over $100 each, and Chris Stapleton being the most expensive at just over $1,500 for the pair.

My first three experiences, were so high energy that I headed for the exit with little to no voice from yelling so loud, the fourth (an intimate acoustic presentation) moved me to my musical core. All of them left me completely and unequivocally entertained. Honestly, concert dollars very well spent!

I have always been an avid concert goer, and no genre is off limits. For instance, when we were in Nashville, we toured the Country Music Hall of Fame and explored some of the roof top honky tonk's on October 9th. Then, walked back to our condo off Broadway just in time to sit on our balcony and watch the sunset. 

On a whim, I logged onto Ticketmaster and purchased two stage left Jonas Brothers tickets at Bridgestone Arena (where the Nashville Predictors play). With less than an hour left before they hit the stage, we took our ten minute walk to the venue. They too brought down the house.

Ramping up to perform (Joe's hit) Cake By The Ocean to a packed Bridgestone Arena.
TAKEN: OCTOBER 9th, 2023

Anyway, I remember having a conversation with my brother this summer and he felt the need to point out that my dogs were a luxury. Though I understood his point, I told him that 'my dogs were a necessity that my husband and I couldn't live without'. 

Which in a nutshell, aside from being a mega fan, is why I clicked the Ticketmaster button and bought the Stapleton tickets; exactly three days later. 

My dogs a luxury? Nope. 

It is my concert going habit that wins his specific label. All the monies spent on tickets, hotels, flights, food and spirits? 

THEY... THEM....THOSE.  Will always be the biggest luxury of my life!!

SIMPLY, UNFORGETTABLE

Last week, when I posted photos of my Canadian Thanksgiving travels on social media as they were happening, I was proud to share that we had included experiencing the spectacular 'Mother Church' of country music in downtown Nashville, Tennessee. 

What I was somewhat surprised to admit (after leaving the building) was that my amazing and intimate musical experience presented at the Ryman Auditorium was simply mind blowing!!

My beautiful exterior shot from across the street, and our third row balcony
seats preshow. (No video or photography is allowed once the show starts.)
TAKEN: OCTOBER 8th, 2023

Yet, it's hard to believe our weeklong vay-cay happened somewhat coincidentally. 

You see, I have a coworker that traveled to Music City last spring to see Luke Combs perform at Bridgestone Arena. With my husband and I having two full weeks off at the end of the year, I thought I would checkout the Air BnB she'd been raving about for availability.

Turned out our festive holidays timelines weren't available, yet the week of Canadian Thanksgiving was. Without a plan, we booked The Burnham (a ten minute walk to Broadway) and we had less than a month to hatch the rest of our plan.

I knew instinctively, we couldn't go to Nashville and not experience the Ryman Auditorium. Without hesitation, I purchased tickets to see Mary Chapin Carpenter and Shawn Colvin. 

As a 1990's country follower, I was familiar with the success of Carpenter,  I only knew Colvin to have one hit with 'Sonny Came Home.' Without reserve, I clicked that famous Ticketmaster button and bought us 3rd row balcony tickets as shown above.

From the moment you approach the exterior architecture of this historic 2,362 seat live-performance venue, you could feel its distinctive vibe. An Instagram follower hit the nail on the head when he commented on my exterior shot with... "Oh the ghosts that reside there, you can feel the history when you visit!"

He's right, this is hallowed ground filled with her spiritual sounds. It truly is a sacred place for any music lover, celebrating all music genres in every sacred pew.

Oh, and the Mary/Shawn duo literally brought down the house. 

The entire evening was... Simply, unforgettable.

HAPPY CANADA D‘EH

Poor Miya Maria. She drew the short Canada Day photo op straw.
(Don't feel too bad, she had a chunk of roast chicken as her reward!)
TAKEN: JULY 1st, 2023

When the Canada Day long weekend was approaching, it is safe to say my Weather Network app was getting ten times more screen action than everything else installed on my phone.

I will compare it to a flip of the coin scenario. Rain we stay in town. Sun we stay at the cottage. Well, sunshine prevailed for the entire weekend marking the fact that I officially got moved in.

It has been several years since I have lived here for 100% of the season. I am glad to be back and am very grateful that this is the first time in my entire career, that I only commute to the brick-and-mortar office with the fancy sign out front just once a week.

When I changed jobs a year and a half ago, I negotiated that I would work from home two days a week. Two led to three, then three led to four. I am hoping by the end of the year, everything will be done via ZOOM.

Though I manage my time well and my boss is pleased with my productivity, my workdays definitely last longer when working from my home or cottage offices. Why? This doggie daycare/obedience school thing-a-ma-hoochie I am running has a very strict schedule that must be adhered to.

So, I start an hour earlier everyday to ensure our 9:30am and 2pm breaks get rid of any excess energy, and they will sleep at my feet for the duration. With two puppies and a high energy senior on point, I need to keep them on track, or all hell breaks loose.

I am serious when I share that I will be working away and balls and toys start getting banged into my legs or dropped at my feet and I must firmly say, “Stop... It isn’t nine thirty yet!”

And believe it or not, they stop and settle until my phone pings that it’s time for recess. I’m not complaining just reflecting. Never a dull moment, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Well, maybe the shitty internet connection because of all the rock that surrounds me, but that’s a post for another day.

Z IS FOR ZEBRA

A perfect way to wrap YEAR TEN.
...With a tribute to how I live my life!
Image (c) REDBUBBLE

R IS FOR REGGAE

My hubby walking the beach (with me and my Blackberry) taking in this great vibe.
TAKEN: FEBRUARY 2012 

In September 2021, the morning my husband was to be admitted into Toronto General Hospital, he sat on the sofa in our hotel room and sang a loud 'Three Little Birds' with Bob Marley. Needless to say, he was understandably emotional and scared. 

As we walked hand in hand to the hospital at dawn, I promised him that our first adventure once all of this was behind us, would be to get him back to Jamaica; his very favourite travel destination.

I know that yesterday was 4/20 but that has nothing to do with his connection with this beautiful island. He loves the people, their culture, the cuisine, but first and foremost he is truly connected to the music.

The first time we travelled to the island was back in 2012. I was given a $3,000 travel voucher as a bonus at work. We had never been to the Caribbean and decided to spend it toward a destination we had both always dreamed of going.

For the allure of seven mile beach we chose Negril, Jamaica, and the experience didn't disappoint. We returned again in 2014 to Runaway Bay, and he has wanted to return ever since.

But, him dealing with my wanderlust has always been a challenge, as I have always ultimately convinced him to open his mind to new adventures we haven't previously taken. 

Yet, our bond will never forget that life changing morning walk, when a simple promise is made. 

It may be only 5 nights and four days (to celebrate our upcoming milestone wedding anniversary) but guess what?

Weeez a goin' back to Jamaica MON!

And I am pleased to report my hubby is ecstatic to finally to be going back 'yard'... In the non residential sense.

N IS FOR NOT

 At the beginning of my A-Z challenge this year, I came across a poem by Erin Hanson. 

As an aside, I began never worrying about how I am defined by others after my father died.

Yet, the poem is so relatable by so many, I immediately knew it needed to be my 2023 letter N. 

To my electronic friends... Stay strong and always know your worth!

Reading (with some friendly company) at Poppa's Camp
TAKEN: Lake Temiscamng ~ Summer of 1996

NOT ~ by Erin Hanson

You are not your age,

nor the size of clothes you wear,

you are not a weight,

or the colour of your hair.

You are not your name,

nor the dimples in your  cheeks,

you are all the books you read,

and all the words you speak.

You are your croaky morning voice,

and the smiles you try to hide,

you're the sweetness in your laughter,

and every tear you've cried.

You the songs you sing so loudly,

when you know you're alone,

you're the places that you've been to,

and the ones that you call home.

You're the things that you believe in,

and the people that you love,

you're the photos in your bedroom,

and the future you dream of.

You're made of so much beauty,

but it seems that you forgot...

When you decided that you were defined,

by all the things you're not.

K IS FOR KNACK

When I returned to work last Monday and was asked about my birthday trip to Las Vegas, I gave a one-word answer: Meh.  (You could also insert a sarcastic shoulder shrug in there for visual effect.)

My underwhelming response was followed by an immediate, "I’ve been to much nicer places, and had far better experiences." 

Reaffirming our thought process which was, "It's VEGAS baby... You've got to go at least once just to see it!"

That said, I did enjoy the varying levels of architecture and attention to construction detail in the grand casinos on the strip, but my solstice of trying to enjoy those few moments was interrupted by the ‘ding-ding-ding’ of the slot machines that were situated absolutely everywhere.

Neither my husband or I have the desire nor ever developed the skill for gambling. We are both smart enough to know that’s it not there for you to win.

I lost everything and my husband did not.
Here's the photographic proof!
TAKEN: APRIL 7th, 2023

My only attempt at the jackpot was a five-dollar bill in a slot machine in the Bellagio. I did get my investment up to $12.95 in winnings and should have cashed out. Instead, I kept pushing the button, rolling the odds, until it was all gone. The entire entertainment experience lasted less than ten minutes!

My husband tried his luck while we waited for our table at Tony Roma’s in the Golden Nugget. His investment was in the three singles he had in his pocket and his chit shows where he landed.

To which I immediately told him, ‘I thought he may have developed a gambling addiction and may want to seek out help’. We both burst into laughter and headed into the restaurant.

On a scale from one to ten, the moral of this post is... Our knack for gambling, negative two. Our knack for investing in great running shoes,  positive twelve. We walked and walked and walked. 

Thanks goodness there wasn't a charge for that. After all, we lost a whopping $7.83 USD gambling.

Which is like $117.45 CDN these days!

I IS FOR ITINERARY

When the kids were growing up, there was never an abundance of extra cash lying around for me to get to celebrate my birthday. So, when the nest finally emptied, I decided that every year I would take a birthday trip.

The first couple were week long jaunts but then I discovered I could have a higher end experience for less if I crammed everything into a long weekend. 

Below is a neat snapshot and snippet of the my born day adventures since 2015.

2015: A quaint cliff top resort in Samana, Dominican Republic

This Gran Bahia was an amazing experience but not a resort meant for those with mobility issues. 

One of the main reason I selected it was to walk (daily) the "Bridge to Nowhere" seen below...as taken from my poolside deck chair. 

Great food, Salsa dancing at night, and loved experiencing the beautiful Barcardi Island with friends.

Great shot of the 4 km Bridge to Nowhere 
TAKEN: APRIL 2015

2016: Wanting to learn to surf in Sayulita, Mexica

Sayulita is a village on the Pacific coast backed by the Sierra Madre mountains, known for its beaches and strong surf. 

For this bornday trip, we rented a house with an infinity pool and were joined by friends as well as Jukebox. To this day, my husband says it is still his favourite spot. I snapped this pic in the morning after hiking to Playa de Los Muertos.

In all of my adventures, this is the most time I spent in the ocean. Almost all day everyday. My son was the only one that really got the hand of surfing. I traded my surf board in for a boogie board mid week, 

A great time was had by all!

Heading back from Playa des Los Muertos.
What a view!
TAKEN: APRIL 2016

2017: French Quarter Festival in New Orleans, Louisiana

This was the first of the 'long weekend' celebrations. With Architect friends living in New Orleans, one if the French Quarter, they thought I would really enjoy the festival, and I did.

Landing Thursday, flying home Monday, I got to experience a weekend of music in the French Quarter with seven hundred and fifty thousand of my closest friends. Stages set up everywhere with all genres of music imaginable.

My buddy Darin took me out for my birthday with all of his coworkers at his firm, and though he only joined in the festival festivities Saturday afternoon, we got to spend a lot of quality time together. 

If you've never been GO. The pic I am sharing I took at the big band stage. On the plane ride home, I met the trumpet player for the band Chicago, which began my quest to see them perform live.

... But that's another post!

Darin, my hubby and I enjoying a bevie at the Big Band Stage.
One of my favourites for the entire weekend.
TAKEN: APRIL 2017

2018: The NBA, South Beach, and Burgers - Miami, Florida

This trip was planned with the intent of seeing the last regular season Toronto Raptors game (so grateful we went, because Demar DeRozan was traded to Houston that summer). 

The photo I am sharing is a storm moving in on game night, and I said to my husband, "something is coming though South Beach." He is laughing because I continued with "we both know it's the Toronto Raptors headed in for the Miami Heat tonight!"

In the days we were there, we walked the beach for miles, and I headed into the art deco district on my birthday to celebrate. I chose to have the best burger in South Beach. 

Burger and a Mojito, $125 USD is not for the faint of heart.

Out on our balcony, we were joking that there was a storm coming. 
I said, 'it was the Toronto Raptors landing!'
TAKEN: APRIL 2018

2019: We did so much that I had to rest from my vacation in New York City, New York.

What a whirlwind birthday vacation. Landed in Newark NJ and took the train in Thursday afteroon.

1. Headed to Brooklyn Thursday night to see the Nets vs the Heat. Dwayne Wades last game before he retired. LeBron was there. What a night.

2. Live with Ryan and Kelly at ABC Studios in the morning, Central Park in the afternoon, Book of Mormon on Broadway Friday night.

3. Statue of Liberty, Wall Street Bull, 911 Memorial all day they I headed solo to see Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden Saturday night.

4. Slept the next two weeks to recover!

Jukebox taking in the eerie surroundings of the fallen twin towers.
TAKEN: APRIL 2019

2020: Lockdown had me having coffee for my birthday at home in Muskoka, Ontario

A photo to capture the exact morning birthday moment in a global pandemic
TAKEN: APRIL 2020

2021: Still unable to travel, I bought myself a dog for my birthday ~ in Muskoka Ontario

Born April 9th (seen here at 4 weeks of age) I named her Miya.
Because she was Miya Birthday Present!
TAKEN: APRIL 2021

2022: Roadtrip to the Southernmost point of the USA - Key West, Florida

The price of the post pandemic Air Canada flight was so good we decided to land in Miami and drive the Florida Keys. 

What we didn't know is how expensive the birthday weekend would be. For starters, our hotel room at the Almond Tree Inn was just shy of $1,000 CDN.

A great experience all around but something I have no desire to do again.

Me standing on the retaining wall at the Southern most point.
Too impatient to wait a couple of hours in line!
TAKEN: APRIL 2022

2023: Per my letter D. D is for DECISION. We did Las Vegas Baby!

Thousands and thousands of steps later, we did the Strip, Freemont Street, and drove to Red Rock Canyon, walked the Pat Tilman Bridge, and toured the Hoover Dam. 

NEVER going back. 

We work to hard for our money to gamble it away... and that is primarily all that people did.

By 6pm we had walked well over 24,000 steps.
Highly recommend staying at Paris. We received 5 star service.
Thanks Air Canada!
TAKEN: APRIL 2023

D IS FOR DECISION

Well, a killer Black Friday deal made my birthday trip decision a no brainer this year. With the intention of only ever going once, I landed in Las Vegas today.

For just over six hundred dollars each, a suite with an Eiffel Tower view overlooking the Bellagio fountains was the purchase, and for the second year in a row I have Air Canada to thanks for a crazy amazing birthday deal.

Landed about 2p.m. today and home Saturday evening about 10p.m., we have a fun fill trip planned. 

Heading to TopGolf this afternoon, Cirque du Soleil Beatles ONE at the Mirage tomorrow night, renting a Slingshot to head to Red Rock Canyon and the Hoover Dam Thursday, then Freemont Street for the day Friday.

Lots to talk about and some great pics to share the rest of the month for certain.

Another 'Happy Birthday Trip' but more importantly another passport stamp for yours truly.

Feeling very blessed, as life is good!

Photo courtesy of booking.com

C IS FOR CANDID

A couple of weeks ago I saw this meme floating around the social media platforms and it truly resonated. It was just a picture titled the truth in me, so I must assume the author is unknown.

I have no desire to fit in.

No plans to walk with the crowds.

I have my own mind, heart and soul.

I am me and it has taken me years to realize how important that is.

No matter who you are, you can't be more candid that that. Life is simply too short to worry about what others think; and I don't.

Now when it comes to my dogs? That's another story.

The truth is my goal in life is to always be the person my dogs already think I am!

Big day. Taking Miya Maria to meet her new sister Katie Lulu.
TAKEN: JANUARY 23rd, 2023

A IS FOR ASHLEY

May my beautiful friend and coworker forever rest in peace.
(Beautiful photo from her LinkedIn profile)

It was the last Friday afternoon of this past January. 

My boss and I had just finished our end of day call, when he empathetically said, “I have some news to share.” Then, after a long pause he said, “Ashley was killed in a car accident early yesterday morning.”

In that moment, it was like I had been punched in the throat. My mind began swirling, and I was in a complete state of disbelief. This girl had the most amazing energy and sense of kindness, I instantly fell into a general state of shock.

Fast forward from that Friday night to Sunday morning. I couldn’t find any information online, other than there had in fact been a vehicular fatality in that area the morning I was told she passed. 

So, by mid-Sunday morning I reached out to a coworker to go fishing for facts. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I wanted to confirm that there hadn’t been some sort of bizarre misunderstanding. She quickly confirmed it was in fact her that had died.

Flash to the next Tuesday, when the rumblings shift to the chatter that her husband was being investigated for foul play in her death. In that moment, all I could do was be angry at the potential small town gossip.

Low and behold he was formally charged that Friday with second degree murder and indignity to a dead body and is being held without bail. 

His charges were then formally upgraded to first degree murder on February 17th, 2023.

Though I want to be angry at the person accused of taking her life, he doesn't deserve any space in my mind. That said, I can’t help but focus my empathy and worry to their two young children, both under the age of ten. Still processing all of this, it is so sad that they lost both of their parents that day. 

Not that I am anyone special in the big scheme of all of this, I am just one of many that is extremely grateful to have been able to call Ashley Schwalm my friend. I will always miss my former coworker dearly.

Rest in peace my beloved Schwalmster. 

Because if there is one thing you deserve, it's to forever sleep easy. 

LETTER WRITING MEMORIES

I got a call on January 4th from my oldest brother, as we'd missed connecting over the holidays.  

When my phone rang, my husband gently cautioned that if I answered, we would probably chat for hours. I acknowledged his comment with a nod, then picked up. I went to bed when my phone died, at 2am.

Through our long-winded catchup, he asked about any old negatives I may have in my possession (pre 35mm film) of photos my mother would have taken. On a mission, the next day I went through all the boxes in my cold storage space under our front entry stairs.

Up to my home office went boxes and bags of photos and negatives, as well as a hodgepodge of items I hadn’t looked at since we moved into our current home in 2002. I did find what he was asking about. I also found a series of handwritten letters from a girlfriend that were decades old. 

Holy time warp Batman. When I began reading the letters, it's like I had been transported in a time machine. I had forgotten my college sidekick and I had stayed in touch for as long as we had. 

With none of her letters dated nor having a return address, I know I had three children and she and her husband were hoping to try for their first; my only other clue are the 43 cent stamps.

Naturally curious, I headed to the internet to see what she’d been up to. My first issue was all of her letters were signed with only her first name. Though I knew her maiden name, I couldn’t for the life of me remember her married name.

Hours and hours later, and primarily seeking out obituary notices, I managed to find her. Not her specifically, but a website where she'd appeared on the ‘sunshine list’ in Peel Region.

The next piece was I remembered I had a photo of us. (I find it amazing that I have had the photo I am sharing tucked away in a photo album since it was taken.) There were six of us that travelled from Hamilton to Kitchener for the weekend to celebrate Oktoberfest, including the festive parade. 

If my memory serves me correctly, it was the fella whose family hosted us that took our picture. And I remember her saying  in the that moment, "we have to get a picture of us together." This was it.

I am going out on a limb here but judging by the look on my face, my guess is we were having a blast by indulging in a wee bit of alkohol spirituosen and polka party fun.

That said... I would have to double check my German with Google translator to be sure!

Us celebrating Oktoberfest in Kitchener with one of her letters as the background
TAKEN: OCTOBER 1984

SMARTIE MEMORIES IN NOVEMBER

Smartie getting a driving lesson from his grandson.
TAKEN: AUGUST 27th, 2021

I am sitting at my home office desk and a wave of varying emotion just hit. 

It is 3:52pm and gloomier than usual outside.

I can hear the wind howling and my phone is buzzing with severe weather warnings and the radio's been boasting cancelations all afternoon. All of it reminding me what the next few weeks will offer, which is absolutely nothing special.

As my hump day workday ends, my mind began to wonder. Tomorrow is Thursday. And as I have each week since that terrible day last April, I realized that I won’t be getting my weekly call from Smartie tomorrow; or ever again.

I remember the day we met. It was in April of 2004 and we hit it out of the park from the get-go. Both working in manufacturing, we stayed on straight evenings so that we could save big dollars on daycare. An eighteen year friendship, that ended with his death on almost the same day in April that it started.

That said, as I type, it’s like I am stuck. Whenever I mention him to others in passing, I instantly tear up. Which is immediately followed by an apology disclosing, “I just can’t seem to get over his death.”

I feel a true emptiness, and all these months later his absence is still raw. Each time I get try to process why, I wonder if it could be because I wasn’t offered proper closure. 

Because, for obvious reasons, I wasn’t invited to his intimate private service. 

I could make excuses, but the truth of the matter is that I disliked his wife in high school and absolutely detested her by the time their marriage ended. Not looking to expand on why, other than to say he was my friend, and she was not. Either way, he’s gone and I truly miss him.

As I stop typing and glance out the window, I see the snow is now blowing on a 45 degree angle. 

I guess I should get my ass into the kitchen, get some grub going, and feed the pups while we still have hydro.

Once again, thanks for listening to me blather.